Guimo's Blog: Spam is delicious but I'm not allowed to eat it too often.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Spam is delicious but I'm not allowed to eat it too often.

Because of a lifetime of hedonistic eating and drinking, I've come to a point where my blood pressure is a bit out of wack. I have to be careful what I consume, so I tend to eat very plainly.

If it were up to me though I'd eat SPAM at nearly every meal. It's my go-to guilty food option. I love to fry it up and have it on top of rice, or in a sandwich. I even have a plush doll of Spammy the SPAM Can.

In a perfect world, all the food that tastes great would also be great for you. Sadly though, that's not the world we live in.

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DOBBS.TOWN

SubGenius Rhetoric

"Humor has long been an effective way to engage difficult sociopolitical topics in a way that avoids polemical confrontation and provides a positive opportunity for pleasure, catharsis and self-knowledge. In the context of today’s polarized politics and protest, creative satirical performance that deploys “symbolic tinkering” can provide a “comic frame of reference” that, according to Kenneth Burke, more effectively conveys its message while providing reflexive insight. The Church of the SubGenius naturally practices this rhetorical frame in their satirical multimedia creations. Using Burke’s Attitudes Toward History as a lens to focus our attention, this essay is an analysis of SubGenius rhetoric in their satire with a focus on selected transcriptions of their Hour of Slack live radio program and its adaptation into the book Revelation X. These texts can provide an informative example of Burke’s comic frame rhetoric in action, and can ultimately clarify the nature of its utility as we explore the extent of the rhetorical impact of the Church of the SubGenius"

The Movement Of Obliterating NHGH

"M.O.O.N. is a clench of the Church of the Subgenius based in Kalamazoo, MI. Its mission is the complete and utter destruction of the one force that is responceable for stealing more slack than the conspiricy has ever had in it's entire existance. That force is..... NHGH! It was NHGH who was responceable for the Escape Vessels of the Sex Goddesses to not arrive on July 5th 1998, the date pre-ordained by Dobbs. And you can bet that NHGH will KEEP stopping X-Day unless WE SUBGENII DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT FIRST! That is why we must KILL NHGH before 7-5-99 if X-Day is will ever come to pass!"

THE LATTER-DAY SAINTS OF DISCORDIA

"The Latter-day Saints of Discordia is a society of incredibly intelligent, occasionally motivated, and unquestionably creative borderline geniuses who have been classified, by the slaves of the machine, as one or more of the following: free thinkers, mystics, lunatics, anarchists, poets, deviants, paranoids, hackers, magicians, eccentrics, con-artist, chaoist, revolutionaries, habitual drug users, extremists, atheists, conspiracy dupes, occultists, and Subgenius disciples who are dedicated to an advanced understanding of the paraphysical manifestations of everyday chaos"

Cartographer's Conspiracy Cabal

"We believe that geographic and cartographic knowledge (like all knowledge) is a reflection of the culture that produces it. There is no one correct representation of the world, but rather there are many different perceptions of geographical knowledge based on each person's own culture. Enforcing one culture's view of the world on others is inexcusable. Where maps of one culture have been used in a cross-cultural context the result has often been the exploitation and distruction of the culture that did not make the map. The world's diversity of geographical views is slowly being wiped out in favor of scientific "truth" which is often simply the Western portrayal of reality. We are dedicated to ending this degradation of knowledge by preserving alternate views of the world and encouraging creative means of expression in the fields of geography and cartography."

23rd Street Chapel Legion of Dynamic Discord

"Welcome to the 23rd Street Chapel a place where under the Pineal Promptings of Saint Gulik messenger of The Goddess Eris Chaplin IM False and Suzycat create works in her inspiration I see Saint Gulik! This site is a work in progess Goddess permitting it will evolve to house the abnormail published and inflicted on the mundane world by the Chapel Staph Please send abnormail and Eristic comments to Chaplin IM False, KSC Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia! ODD# 1 Chaos 3165 - 23 * F#"

Crocco Cabal of the Erisian Church

"Welcome to the official webpage of the Crocco Cabal of the Erisian Church. This website is dedicated to Carmine Crocco, who died a martyr to Discordia on June 18, 1905. My name is Antonivs of Syracuse. I am a Pope of the Erisian Church and disorganizer of the Crocco Cabal. If you don't believe me, check out the gospel I am compiling for the New and Improved Testament (the true story of Jesus) or my Epistle to the Discordians (a distillation of wisdom as compiled by a domesticated primate). I have been asked if Discordianism is a real religion or a joke. Malaclypse the Younger said it best when he wrote: "We are not engaged in a complicated joke disguised as a religion. We are engaged in a religion disguised as a complicated joke." For those of you who are dubious, "If Eris doesn't exist, who put all the Chaos in this universe, you damned atheist?" huh? huh? No answer, smartguy? Life is short, so let there be slack!"

The Nuclear Platypus Church of Arglebargle (Biscuitism)

"Back in print again for the first time ever, The Nuclear Platypus Biscuit Bible, quite possibly THE WEIRDEST BOOK OF ALL TIME, clearly and concisely articulates all knowledge worth knowing! Now featuring 342% more Biscuitism, this long out-of-print underground cult classic returns in a thoroughly revised edition (212 pages, compared to the measly 48 pages of the 1990 edition) in hard- & softcover, with loads of new eye-popping graphics and all-new chapters that continue the brain-twisting Biscuitoid assault on reason, normality and comprehensibility. Learn such crucial info as: the precise theological difference between the Nuclear Platypus and His bumpkin cousin, the Nucular Platypus; the horrors of the Great Porridge Famine that wiped out the creatures of myth and fairy tales; what happened when God-Biscuit showed up drunk for the Apocalypse; and God-Biscuit's glorious plan for humanity. Guaranteed to be the most important publishing event in the entire history of human civilization or your money back!"

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

"The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, after having existed in secrecy for hundreds of years, came into the mainstream just a few years ago*. With millions, if not thousands, of devout worshipers, the Church of the FSM is widely considered a legitimate religion, even by its opponents – mostly fundamentalist Christians, who have accepted that our God has larger balls than theirs. Some claim that the church is purely a thought experiment or satire, illustrating that Intelligent Design is not science, just a pseudoscience manufactured by Christians to push Creationism into public schools. These people are mistaken — The Church of FSM is legit, and backed by hard science. Anything that comes across as humor or satire is purely coincidental."

The True Reformed, Vegnautic* Sect of the Invisible Pink Unicorn

"We believe in One (or More**) Unicorn(s), or fewer, The Pink, The Invisible. Creator of Uncertainty, Keeper of Chaos, our Maker, revealed unto us in the alt.atheist usenet forum. She that Raptures Socks, She will smite those that mock Her brethren. When heathens partake in baloney, she invites her loyal servants to join the feast. We shall eat our fill, yea every belly shall be full with pure, untarnished, unadulterated, suffer-free pizza. Her revelations show us the folly of all religions, our personal insignificance, the understanding of existence, and the importance of 42. Spread Her Word."

The Calcutta Pococurante Society

"Cant, Humbug, and Absurdity in all their branches whether Tory, Whig, Radical, Ultra, or Liberal, Medical, Literary, Martial, or Civil, National, or individual - from the Champagne Wright behind his counter; from the Cant of the learned Lord on the Woolsack to that of the Mob Orator on the Hustings in Palace yard. From the absurdities of Utilitarianism to the absurdities of Romance. Provided however that the said Humbug, Cant, and Absurdity, have become public property through the medium of books or newspapers - private Cant and private Humbug are too dear to the breast of every Englishman to admit of their being discussed without material injury to the feelings of the great mass of the nation - this Society will be there - fore respect those hallowed barriers which the common interests of mankind should render sacred to all."

Temple of the Great Spider

The Church of Last Thursday

"We, the Last Thursdayists, followers of Last Thursdayism, members of The Church of Last Thursday, believe: that the universe was created on Thursday, and will expire on Thursday. that the universe was created by You as a test for yourself. that you will be rewarded or punished when this universe expires based on your actions here. that left-handedness is a sinful temptation. that everyone but you was placed here and pre-programmed to act as parts of your test environment. that everyone but you knows this."

The Codex Idiotica

"The following is the only known english version of the Codex Idiotica, the text upon which the religion of "Idiotica" is based (a religion that is centered completely on stupidity and senseless yet accidental bodily injury). While various other copies of it exist, none can be translated. This version was actually translated from a copy that was translated from yet another, which in turn was translated from the original by a monk who was the last known individual ever to exist that was capable of translating the original language. The original tome was notably longer, by about 100 fold, yet the meaning has remained intact, which says something about the verbosity of the original Codex Idiotica. As you are about to see, the following chapter includes some modern concepts. Just how these things may have possibly existed, or even have been known of, back in the days of the Idiotica's creation is still left to speculation. Perhaps you will reach a conclusion that has eluded us."

UAAFOU

"The Universal Accreditation Agency for Fake Online Universities (UAAFOU) is an international accreditation agency that accredits fake online universities. It has been providing its services since 1791. The agency was established to promote and regulate the practices of fake online universities throughout the World. UAAFOU ensures sound educational standards and unethical practices for all its accredited members. With its unrefined and recognized accreditation program, UAAFOU offers fake distance learning institutions the most current, relevant and practical services for the 21st century. There are various institutes that have had themselves accredited from UAAFOU, and who now hold the status of being full-fledged UAAFOU members. UAAFOU also have numerous candidate institutions, whose accreditation cases are being considered."

An Informal Archive of El Físico Nuclear Web Links

"There is a story told in certain parts of Virginia that a traveler staying over at an inn was accosted by a stranger garbed in a flamboyant purple cape and tights. The traveler tried to ignore the stranger, but the fellow persisted, and the traveler soon became impressed with the man's knowledge of Newton's Principia Mathematica. From this, the traveler concluded that the stranger must be a physicist. Next arose the topic of the return of Jesus Christ to earth, and the stranger was so knowledgeable on this matter that the traveler thought his companion must be a member of the clergy. Grasping at any subject to steer the conversation away from this topic, the traveler, seeing a pastoral painting on the wall of the inn, brought up the matter of Virgil's fourth eclogue. Again, the traveler was so impressed with the stranger's learning that he concluded that his companion must be a classical scholar."

Andersianism

"Andersianism is one of the smallest religions on Earth, but it is also one of the quickest growing and most promising new movements that have appeared the last millenia. Why don't you join the growing ranks of Andersianists too? Andersianism is a simple, yet effective religion. Some may call it a low-budget religion, and they are right. Andersianism isn't flashy. We don't have dozens of gods, hundreds of saints, imponderable holy texts or rigid dogmas. Andersianism is practically free from religious arguments, has a refreshingly simple pantheon, no holy texts, practically no observances and a god with Net access! (and we are not talking about Kibo)"

The Church of Euthanasia

"The Church of Euthanasia is a non-profit educational foundation devoted to restoring balance between Humans and the remaining species on Earth. We believe this can only be accomplished by a massive voluntary population reduction, which will require a leap in Human consciousness to a new species awareness. The Human population is increasing by one million every four days. This is a net increase of 95 million per year, the current population of Mexico. Even major wars or epidemics hardly dent this rate of growth, and modern wars also have tremendous environmental consequences. It is for these practical reasons, as well as moral ones, that we support only voluntary forms of population reduction. The Church has only one commandment, and it is "Thou Shalt Not Procreate." In addition, we have four "pillars" or principles, which are Suicide, Abortion, Cannibalism and Sodomy. Note that cannibalism is only required for those who insist on eating flesh, and is strictly limited to consumption of the already dead. Also note that sodomy is defined as any sexual act not intended for procreation: fellatio, cunnilingus, and anal sex are all forms of sodomy and are still illegal in some parts of the United States."

First Church of Dana Scully, Scientist Official Website

"Services will be held on Wednesdays, as appropriate to the God of Scientists, Mercury. The Preacher and his ordained Blasphemers of Reality will preach the Word of Slack through the inspired TranceBabble of “Bob” and his Mystic Truth of One Dollar. Welcome to the religion of Cosmic Despair, Shredded Sanity, and Redheads! Where the hard edge of rational thinking meets the ragged edge of a universe in which anything may be possible. Visit us on Facebook (search for First Church of Dana Scully, Scientist), attending virtual services each Wednesday once you’ve been accepted as a member. Watch this space for coming events, merchandise, Church literature, and more."

Church of Ed Wood

"Woodism is a serious pop culture-based religion. We use pop culture and its popularity to inject spirituality to those people out there that might not get too much from the more mainstream religions like Catholicism and Christianity. We believe in and follow late cult director Edward D. Wood Jr. and look to him as a savior. Note "A" savior, not THE savior. By looking at Ed's films and his life, we all try to lead a happy, positive life, a life of acceptance of others and of the self. Woodism is a frame of mind and not a list of rules. The basic premise of Woodism coincides with what we believe was the basic premise of Ed Wood himself, which is the constant search for happiness and the following of dreams and being proud of who you are. There are no specific practices in Woodism other than to constantly be proud of who you are, accept others, and don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't do. If you want to smoke and cuss and rut and get completely drunk, as long as you're fine with it, then go for it. It's a punk libertarian religion. It's spirituality mixed with realism. There are over 3,000 legal Woodites worldwide who believe in Ed's universal messages of happiness and love and like Ed we accept everyone into our arms. And yes, this is totally serious."

The Church of the Latter-Day Dude

"While Dudeism in its official form has been organized as a religion only recently, it has existed down through the ages in one form or another. Probably the earliest form of Dudeism was the original form of Chinese Taoism, before it went all weird with magic tricks and body fluids. The originator of Taoism, Lao Tzu, basically said “smoke ’em if you got ’em” and “mellow out, man” although he said this in ancient Chinese so something may have been lost in the translation. Down through the ages, this “rebel shrug” has fortified many successful creeds – Buddhism, Christianity, Sufism, John Lennonism and Fo’-Shizzle-my-Nizzlism. The idea is this: Life is short and complicated and nobody knows what to do about it. So don’t do anything about it. Just take it easy, man. Stop worrying so much whether you’ll make it into the finals. Kick back with some friends and some oat soda and whether you roll strikes or gutters, do your best to be true to yourself and others – that is to say, abide. Incidentally, the term “dude” is commonly agreed to refer to both genders. Most linguists contend that “Dudette” is not in keeping with the parlance of our times."

Gokuism – The Church of Goku

"Dear friend, have you accepted Goku as your personal lord and savior? If not, then please listen to my Good News! The Church of Goku can help you increase your power level to Over 9,000 and follow in the sacred footsteps of lord Goku by training with King Kai, hallowed be thy name. That’s right, there is now a Dragon Ball religion. It is called Gokuism, also known as The Church of Goku. Gokuism is the belief that the principles of Dragon Ball provide a moral compass for one’s life, and that Goku is an ideal role model and moralistic person. By some definitions, it implies that Goku provides personal, global, and universal salvation, and that his death and resurrections were for our sake."

Sasami no Kami

"Sasami no Kami is the spiritual pathway, philosophy, and religion for those who seek inner peace and guidance through the adoration of the anime character of Sasami Masaki Jurai of "Tenchi Muyo!" fame. The various images used on this website, which acts as an online temple or shrine to Sasami, were unearthed from ancient websites from the distant past! A mystical time known as the 1990's! So in tribute to the many past fans of Sasami, I will do my best to recreate an old fashioned 1990's fansite. Sasami be praised! Banzai!"

Seagalology

"Welcome to the Seagalology web site, devoted to the study of Steven Seagal. What is Seagalology? Have you ever watched a Steven Seagal movie and wondered if you've already seen it before? Did it seem oddly familiar, and not just because Steven Seagal is incapable of showing any emotion? That's because every Steven Seagal film follows a very specific formula and design in terms of plot, characters and of course Steven Seagal. This page is dedicated to that formula. Why? Because somebody had to do it."

Criswell Predicts

"Greetings, my friends. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent."

The First Church of Dana Scully, Scientist (Facebook Group)

"1. In the beginning was “Bob,” who made a bet with Azathoth that he could screw with more people’s heads than even Nyarlathotep, and lo, Azathoth foolishly took the bet, and was sore wroth to find that it was a sucker bet, as all the bets that “Bob” makes. 2. “Bob” went forth, and proceeded to give his chosen Apostles of Apostasy full license to create any damn religion for any length of time that seemed good to them, and behold! Many a perverse and bizarre faith was brought into being. 3. Some of these had the lifespan of a mayfly, while others went on and on until they became like unto a joke that is told too often, and used exclusively for purposes of torture and mockery. 4. And schisms did arise, and the more creative of them killed “Bob” and Peed his Damn Head, going their own way, and doing whatever seemed best to them. And “Bob” was pleased, for this was in the spirit of the Tao of Slack. 5. While Pink Boys and the Slackless seized control of other religions, the Pure Ones fled and founded their temples far from the original epicenter of all this noise. Many searched for new inspiration, and some created new ShorDurPerSavs that were not in existence when the SubGenii were first congregated. 6. And among these was Dana Scully, Scientist. (Scullyation 1: 1-6)"

Church of Sloths (Facebook Group)

The Holy Order of the Niblet (Facebook Group)

"Suddenly, the universe realized itself... and if it had no past, no future, yet was coalesced and enthralled of memories and hopes, founding the immeasurable, and eternal, now. The electronic protozoa illuminated themselves, and as if cells in a timeless here subsumed, withal alone, preserve this one grant; Popped or Soufflé... Cream Style or Whole Kernel... Life Is About Itself. We All Are Of The Order. -Reverend Rezedic We beseech our brethren To facilitate Happiness and Contentment through Meditation and assimilation of the Sacred Kernel."

The Cosmic Ray Deflection Society of North America (Facebook Group)

"Knowing, that in some future time, when the ozone layer has been further destroyed by man-made chemicals such as flourocarbons and exhaust fumes, the earth and it's inhabitants will be mercilessly bombarded by deadly cosmic rays, the Cosmic Ray Deflection Society of North America, Inc. has been organized to discover ways of surviving the coming onslaught...Krudzna Ink is a loosely knit organization of crazed, forward thinking environmentalists dedicated to the survival of the human race in general, and life on the planet in particular."

DINCON - International Society For Dinka Consciousness (Facebook Group)

"Welcome to Dinkoism - the world's oldest religion. We believe The One True God is Lord Dinkan, who took the form of a humble mouse in the Pankila forest in Kerala state in India. Dinkoist teachings were passed on verbally for millennia, and documented for the first time in the Malayalam language in Balamangalam, the popular children's books. With millions of devotees, Dinkoism is the fastest growing religion in the world. Come, join us - accept Lord Dinkan as your savior, and achieve salvation!"

The Higherside Chats

"The Higherside Chats is an interview based podcast where Greg Carlwood (that’s me.) drinks a little drink, smokes a little smoke, and sits down for conversations with the best researchers, authors, and experts on a whole host of conspiracy, paranormal, and all around fringe topics. With 5 shows each month, topics include corporate corruption, dissecting the plans of the planet’s puppet masters, MK Ultra mind control, alien abductions, alternative history, choas magick, ancient traditions, underground bases, Atlantis, The Bermuda Triangle, Hollow Earth theories, the occult, secret pacts with ET races, off the grid living, spirituality, escaping the rat race, transhumanism, psychedelics, fractional reserve banking, and the examination of a plethora of bullshit spewing from the finely tuned, total control machine of the shadowy global elite."

Jackey's Hand of Horror

“Jackey’s Hand of Horror was created initially as an experiment in a new platform. I had interviewed for many podcasts over the years due of my notoriety as Debbie from the cult film Manos The Hands of Fate, but as an artist of many mediums, I am generally visually creative. In teaming up with Tonjia Atomic, Rachel Jackson Nuria Aguilar, and my 10-year-old granddaughter Araydia as co-hosts, Quinn Keating as editor, and support from The MST Revival League Podcast, we have 10 episodes on subjects ranging from Spiders to Burlesque and Zombie Animals, and we are having a blast.”

The Stuff They Don't Want You to Know

"From UFOs to psychic powers, ghosts and government cover-ups, history is riddled with unexplained events. But how can we get tell the truth from the fiction, and separate the fact from the rumor? Since 2008, Stuff They Don't Want You To Know has delved into the murky world of everything from cults to lost cosmonauts and allegations of the paranormal, applying critical thinking to the world's most prevalent conspiracy theories and, more often than not, discovering the disturbing grains of truth hidden in the heart of paranoia. Join Ben, Matt and Noel as they embark on their continuing quest to fit the puzzle pieces together, to connect the dots and follow the breadcrumbs into the truth behind the curtain, from the furthest reaches of the universe to the innermost depths of the human mind."

A Man of Letters Podcast

"Free, weekly, 15-minute readings from world literature. Broadcast from 2015 to 2018. The general structure was as follows: The Theme to A Man of Letters was an excerpt from Alma en Pena by Carlos Molina (Victor 68426, 1933). Here it signified the beginning of an episode. The Introduction consisted of these words: “I am A Man of Letters. I’ve been reading lately, and I have found some words I would like to share.” Often this was followed by a biographical sketch of the author to be recited. The Body was text by the author to be recited. See Past Seasons for examples. The Commercial advertised the new Chevrolet for 1936. It signified the end of the recitation, and was a memento mori. The Closing consisted of these words: “Thank you for listening. For more information about the words I have read and the music to follow, please visit A Man of Letters. amoletters.com. Until I return, I am… A Man of Letters.” As Epictetus said in The Enchiridion:"

Dr. Demento

"The Dr. Demento Show is a radio program filled with funny music and comedy. Dr. Demento is a legendary figure in the Radio Hall of Fame, and continues his legacy today on the internet with a new episode every Saturday! He discovered artists from Weird Al to Luke Ski, songs from Fish Heads to Dead Puppies, comedy sketches from Boot to the Head to Dungeons & Dragons, and repopularized such legen"dary artists as Spike Jones, Tom Lehrer, Allan Sherman, & Stan Freberg. Episodes focus on diverse subjects: history, Star Trek, food, sports, weather, holidays, and anything you can imagine!

Radioactive Chicken Heads

"A pithy description of these art rockers would put them somewhere between Gwar and the B-52s on the weirdo spectrum. That's not to say they sing about love-shacks or drench their audience in fake blood. Within the context of the band's colorful mythology (involving mutated vegetables) they sing songs about the desire to be a dog, amazing zombie killers and homicidal rabbits. And with a sound that might work well scoring a John Waters, Ed Wood or Russ Meyer film, these mutants keep it kitschy."

The Residents

"Alternately seen as a rock band, an arts collective, and a spirit, THE RESIDENTS have been regarded as icons in the world of experimental music for over forty-five years. In addition to their groundbreaking work in the areas of trance, world fusion, electronica, punk, industrial and lounge music, the group has also been credited with being among the originators of performance art and music video. Their early videos are in the permanent collection of the Museum of Modern Art and their Freak Show CD-ROM was featured in MOMA's "Looking at Music 3.0" exhibition. Their four decade long career has also taken them into the world of film and television music, having scored numerous films and TV series as well as several projects for MTV. In addition, the group is also thriving in the world of digital media having released ten DVDs, and two internet series."

National Cynical Network (NCN)

"The National Cynical Network (NCN) is a long-running, alternate programming media project. It originally consisted of a trio of SF Bay-Area based radio collage artists: Phineas Narco, Ronald Redball and Alexander T. Newport. NCN seeks to play with music, using sound, and video media samples in the process of media collage or 'mediage'. 'Mediage' is defined as the process of artistically appropriating material from the media, synthesizing it throught the filter of the artists' own subjective experience of it, and then recasting it back into the media environment."

Thrillville

The Robert Anton Wilson Website

"Robert Anton Wilson (January 18, 1932 – January 11, 2007) wrote 35 books and over 1,500 published articles. He coauthored, with Robert Shea, the underground classic The Illuminatus! Trilogy, which won the 1986 Prometheus Hall of Fame Award. His writings include Schroedinger's Cat Trilogy, called "the most scientific of all science fiction novels," by New Scientist, and nonfiction works of Futurist psychology and guerilla ontology, such as The Cosmic Trigger Trilogy, Prometheus Rising, Quantum Psychology and The New Inquisition"

Empress Theresa Book - Norman Boutin

Orc Girl

"Jenny Harper, a geeky 29-year-old spends her spare time dreaming of fantasy worlds, great adventures, and passionate love stories. But when she begins to have strange "episodes" that seem to take to her to unknown places, for a short period of time, she begins to question her grip on reality. One day she awakens to find herself in a strange world, like the ones she's spent her whole life imagining, only to be kidnapped by a ruthless band of mercenaries! Jenny is soon "rescued," however, by the fearsome leader, and king, of a raiding band of orcs! The orc king then gives her a choice: she can either be released and left to wander the forest of a foreign land alone or be given shelter and protection in exchange for one thing... She must surrender her freedom as his "human pet.""

Monsterwax

"There are plenty of bigger trading card companies, but Monsterwax is the oldest one in America to only produce Non-sports cards (since 1992). What really makes us different is that we produce original non-sports series on a regular basis. It's sad that no one else is bothers to do so. All the corporate companies are pursuing sports sets and Hollywood photo sets, but rarely paint anything new or different. (Art series "fell out of fashion" in the 1990s.) That's because it's time consuming and expensive to commission new art or write original stories. They can knock out dozens of sets in the time it takes us to paint a single series. Shock Stories, for example, involved over a hundred new pieces of art and dozens of original stories. It took over ten years to complete. (We produced other sets simultaneously during that decade as well.)"

The Gallery of Monster Toys

"The Gallery of Monster Toys is dedicated to preserving a disappearing facet of our popular culture. Vintage monster toys are typically overlooked by collectors, largely because they seem obsolete in today's world. The toys in this gallery are not, for the most part, "slick" or "hyper-detailed." They are humble and imperfect. They depict flawed, tortured creatures. These toys capture a time when horror was fun. A time when monsters seemed like "big brothers" to their young fans. I hope those who visit the Gallery will acquire an appreciation, not only for the toys pictured, but for all that they represent. This web site is for all those boys and girls who grew up watching Creature Features and Chiller Theaters, reading Famous Monsters of Filmland, and playing with these cherished toys...and for all those who wished they had."

The Asylum for Shut-Ins

"The Doctor is a sadistic, power-mad ventriloquist dummy who administers doses of mind bending video ultra-violence and savage social commentary. He delivers his demented therapy with machinegun-like collages of horror movie clips... audio and video samples fused together in a musical tapestry of terror, madness, and destruction... coming attractions for the end of sanity. Elements of science fiction, horror, war documentary, and government information films are whipped into a relentless assault of explosive movie clip madness. The shock of Video Psychotherapy, which has a cult following across the nation, strips away the thin veneer of moral pretense exposing the dark truth behind modern socio-political posturing."

National Space Society

"The National Space Society (NSS) is an independent, educational, grassroots, non-profit organization dedicated to the creation of a spacefaring civilization. Founded as the National Space Institute (1974) and L5 Society (1975), which merged to form NSS in 1987 (see merger proclamation), NSS is widely acknowledged as the preeminent citizen’s voice on space. NSS has over 50 chapters in the United States and around the world. The society also publishes Ad Astra magazine, an award-winning periodical chronicling the most important developments in space."

Mutual UFO Network

Borderland Sciences Research Foundation

"Borderland Sciences Research Foundation is a California non-profit (C0254263) research and education organization, founded in 1951 by Meade Layne for the purpose of studying parapsychology and extended consciousness. It has since expanded in scope to traverse as broad a path of the grand terrain of the borderland as may be uncovered by human perceptions (and perhaps even further). The main goal of Borderland Sciences is the curation and distribution of historical papers and books on energy, healing, and consciousness, providing a framework for understanding and continued research, and offering support to scientific minds exploring the unconventional regions of thought we call "borderland"."

Live Pterosaur

"Revolutionary as they seem, the ideas presented in this "Live Pterosaur" site relate mostly to eyewitness accounts: real-life encounters with creatures called “prehistoric” or “pterodactyl-like.” Expect few references to fossils. Enter these pages with an open mind and compare points of view. Whether you consider yourself an evolutionist or creationist, or just a curiositist, you might find yourself sympathizing with at least one of the ideas. If you leave this site disbelieving in living pterosaurs, however, know that some people do believe in living pterosaurs: Intelligent, educated people can disbelieve in total extinction of pterosaurs. And the investigations that changed their beliefs are for real: expeditions and analysis of the results of those expeditions (mostly in Papua New Guinea)."

Kook Science Research Associates

"We are the Kook Science Research Associates, because why should we pretend otherwise? The resources we cultivate are not always legitimated science, and we certainly cannot promise they are anything you ought to rely on if you plan to apply for grant money. This is the fringe, the borderland, where sense and nonsense are no longer distinct categories, and our qualifications are as worthy as the five-dollar frames the learned doctors and professors have displayed them in. But don't take our word for it..."

Cthulhu for America

"I have always been here. When your world was young I arrived and strode across the steaming rock. But that does not interest you. For you, the question is am I an illegal alien, or worse, am I Canadian? You could say I have been on Americans’ minds since our nation’s birth. I am quintessentially American. I’ve established residence all across the nation. I fished off the shore of Innsmouth, Massachusetts, in 1840. In 1907 I frolicked in the swamps near New Orleans. The silent hills of Vermont played host to my consciousness in the 1930’s. I haunted the lonely surf-addled shorelines of California in the 1960’s. But as America soured, the pain and violence drew me forth. The brutality of empire was the key to circumventing a bad case of narcolepsy. I needed more than scattered cultists in remote areas. I needed the screams and dreams of millions who styled themselves the apex of primate civilization. And so I began my career in politics. Unfortunately, you ape-things insist on voting for the middling or lesser evil! But this time the stars are finally right. It is time for the humans of the United States of America to choose the Best Evil to lead them toward their destiny."

Save The Murrel

"“The Redwood Man Squirrel”, most known as “The Murrel” (hybrid of Man/Squirrel) is a controversial, cryptozoological creature, unknown to science but very real to purported eyewitnesses. The Murrel is said to have the physical anatomy of a Squirrel, with the bipedal locomotion of a Homo Sapien and is reported to dwell in the coniferous forests of the Pacific Northwestern United States. Most eyewitness accounts put the creature somewhere between 5 and 6 ft tall and roughly 200 to 300lbs. While some believe it to be a relic of myth and legend, or an elaborate hoax, others think it could be an extant mammal, currently uncatalogued by science. Despite it’s “cute and cuddly” appearance, this creature is highly aggressive and has attacked Humans on more than one occasion."

Yippies STB

A driving force behind the social revolution of the 1960s and 1970s, Hoffman inspired a generation to challenge the status quo. Meant as a practical guide for the aspiring hippie, Steal This Book captures Hoffman's puckish tone and became a cult classic with over 200,000 copies sold. Outrageously illustrated by R. Crumb, it nevertheless conveys a serious message to all would-be revolutionaries: You don't have to take it anymore. "All Power to the Imagination was his credo. Abbie was the best." — Studs Terkel

Beware Theater

"Watch Arachna of the Spider People and her friend Deadly as they host Beware Theater - Classic horror movies from the golden age of black and white. Bad acting. Bad directing. Lame Monsters. Cheezy Special Effects - lots of creepy fun. You can see Beware Theater Friday nites on FC Public Media, Comcast Ch. 97 in Fort Collins, Colorado and Denver Open Media, Comcast Ch 57 in Denver, Colorado. Also occasionally on www.horrorhost.net and on The Vortexx, Bizarre TV and Betamax TV on ROKU and anytime on Youtube. Thanks for watching. Message us on Facebook."

Crematia Mortem

Son of Ghoul

"Following in the footsteps of Cleveland's legendary 60s horror host, Ghoulardi, The Son of Ghoul has himself become an Ohio television icon. And with 32 consecutive years on the air, he is among the longest running costumed horror hosts in the nation! Son of Ghoul brings a high-spirited rock and roll attitude to those bad old movies we love to hate, spicing up the likes of The Wasp Woman, The Corpse Grinders and Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla with a lively variety of goofy sound effects and crazy music."

Monster Movie Night

" My family and I went to our very first convention called 'Monster Bash" in Pennsylvania in 2009 . We met so many people that were like us ,fans of monster movies and memorabilia also we met Horror Hosts such as Penny Dreadful, Dr.Ivan Cryptosis, and Count Gore DeVol. Everyone had such a great time and doing exactly what they loved. So we returned another year and another. In 2011 I decided that I had the technology and plus I have been living the monster way of life "all" my life and living in a Monster Museum seemed to perfectly logical to be a Horror Host, I knew that getting on a cable TV station or any TV station would be virtually impossible, so the next best thing was the "Internet". "Bobby Gammonster-Internet Horror Host " was born or rather came out of the coffin. I have met and received much support from fellow horror hosts who also are on the internet. I hope you all enjoy the show and enjoy seeing our home, Gargoyle Manor-The Monster Museum that we use as our base for the show. So as I say at the end of each show...keep Screaming!"

The Mummy and The Monkey

" Straight Outta Cleveland, Janet Decay and Grimm Gorri have joined forces to host their show: "The Mummy and the Monkey" in order to continue a local tradition that spans over fifty years! Influenced by local greats like: Ghoulardi, Superhost, Big Chuck & Lil' John, as well as nationally syndicated shows such as: Elvira and Mystery Science Theatre 3000, they strive to deliver wacky comedy bits and screen cheesy B-movies. Horror Hosting as you've known it, will never be the same... "

Radio Horror Hosts

"Horror Hosts! The words usually conjure up images of ghoulish TV personalities like Elvira and Zacherley. They often wear monster make-up and appear on make-shift castle sets, interrupting older monster movies and telling us a few jokes or dark puns. But those guys are not the ones who really made horror hosts popular or famous. They were building on a grand tradition that preceded televsion completely. The original horror hosts were top-of-the-shelf talents who not only introduced, but often narrated and acted in some the most terrifying shows mass-media ever produced. They were radio dramas with horror, science fiction, or murder themes. The hosts were sometimes famous, but more often mysterious, and they always caught our attention. There was something hypnotic about them. We never actually saw them, yet we visualized them in our mind, along with the many terrors they unleashed there. They established a dark mood and eerie ambiance. They carefully set the scene for the murder, dangerous experiment, or shocking adventure. And they were usually first on the scene after the blood was spilled to chuckle and provide us with a few more gory details. Anyone who heard The Mysterious Traveler, The Whistler, or Inner Sanctum's Raymond will testify to the fact that the host was one of the main attractions of the show. It just wouldn't be the same without them."

The Monster Channel Presented By The Eerie Late Night

"The Eerie Late Night Horror Channel was created by partners Halloween Jack, Halloween Jacqueline, and Mr. Maniacal as a tribute to both horror hosts and the viewers who love the genre. Being active in the horror host community as hosts themselves as well as contributors to events designed to help bring the genre into the limelight The terror-ible trio decided it was time to finally design the ultimate network for everyone. Thus the Eerie Late Night Network was born taking its name from the very first show Halloween Jack started years ago as a tribute the what the genre was all about at it’s television peak."

Troma

"Now celebrating 40 years of filmmaking, Troma Entertainment, Inc. is the longest running independent movie studio in North America. In addition to commercial success, Troma enjoys a wealth of critical appreciation, exemplified by Troma retrospectives sponsored by the American Cinematheque, Cinemathèque Français, the British Film Institute, the American Film Institute and many others. After creating a new kind of sexy comedy in the 70’s and putting a new face on the movie superhuman hero in the 80’s with The Toxic Avenger, Troma continued to break new ground in the 90’s and 2000’s with quality, entertaining films. "

The Actium Colony - An Actium Maximus Fansite

" "Actium Maximus" definitely captures that feeling you get when you try to remember what you were dreaming about just after you wake up. It is a surreal and strange pulp sci-fi story that goes on for what feels like forever, building it's own story and mythos while both answering your questions but also confusing you every step of the way. The puppets are gruesome, the blue screen technology is obvious, the sound quality is quite bad at times, and some of the alien creatures are almost unintelligible. Plus there is no assurance at all that any of the story-lines will come together! But the setting and characters are so interesting that you lose track of all of that. It's clear who the villains are, but are there any heroes at all? This movie is so strange, ugly, and beautiful I can't help but watch."

Something Weird Video

"Something Weird has made a point to stay true to the nostalgic and sleazy feeling of a grind house theatre on Main Street USA. Our dvd packaging reflects the times they movies were made and we use original ad and poster art whenever possible. Amped up with lurid and garish colors to give our products that special Something Weird look. Eye candy inside and out! Every racy and taboo subject known to man can be found in our video catalog. Or just plain wacky celluloid wonders. Consider it one-stop shopping for all your delightfully depraved entertainment. There's Something Weird for Everyone! "

The Asylum

"The Asylum is one of the world's leading brand-oriented motion picture and television studios. With a focus on high-concept, market-driven entertainment, like the SHARKNADO franchise, The Asylum finances, produces and releases 25 films per year through its direct pipeline to the nation's top retailers and its network of international partners. Since its founding in 1997, The Asylum has released more than 500 films and has built a library of over 250 original productions, including top-rated movie premieres for Syfy, Lifetime, AXS TV and Animal Planet networks. In addition, The Asylum is now in production of season 4 of Syfy's top rated scripted show Z NATION, a critically-acclaimed action-horror series."

The David "The Rock" Nelson Basement of Bloody Horror!!

Vampira the Movie

"I was always facinated with Vampira since seeing Plan 9 From Outer Space as a kid. My Dad would let me stay up until 2am watching whatever sci-fi and horror movies happened to be on the Million Dollar Movie or the Chiller Theatre. I was reading magazines like Fangoria about horror hosts and that tradition since I was 13. Horror stars intrigued me, especially vampires, especially Vampira. Who was she? Why didn't she speak? She was like Greta Garbo, that persona that you can't touch. Most people who have seen Plan 9 remember her exclusively. The image of Vampira has stuck with me for over twenty years, but I never knew that I would cross paths with Maila Nurmi, who played Vampira eons before The Munsters aired."

Manlife

"At 90-years-old, Merle Hayden has a lot to do. As the last crusading member of the utopian movement Lawsonomy, he works tirelessly to spread the gospel and preserve the legacy of his Commander, Alfred Lawson. Lawson invented the United States’ first passenger airliner, but his company went bankrupt during the Great Depression. Dismayed by the policies at work, Lawson created the Direct Credits Society, an economic-reform movement against what Lawson called “the one percent,” which advocated for “justice for everybody that harms nobody.” Thousands joined. Yet once the Depression ended, many members left Lawson and returned to gainful employment, but not Merle. Merle stuck with Lawson through the creation of the University of Lawsonomy and its closure at the hands of the IRS. Nearly 60 years after Lawson’s death, Merle continues distributing Lawson’s writings hoping to find new followers."

Nightveil Media/Cult Retro

"In recent years I have returned to film making via digital video in an attempt to fulfill a life-long dream. CultRetro is a site through which I am able to release new digital video productions along side the old films of my youth. Here also are many of the old monster movies, action cliffhanger serials and black and white TV shows that inspired me to become a filmmaker. At an age when most slow down and retire, I am working harder than ever and loving every minute of it. Why? Because making movies is thrilling to me. It’s a natural extension to my long career in art. Frank Zappa defined art as “making something out of nothing… and selling it.” That’s what I’m doing here.

Edgewood Studios

"Edgewood Studios has been producing entertainment for all media platforms long before the term ‘media platforms’ came into general use. We believe that the key to our longevity has been the company’s ability to nimbly navigate the constantly changing waters of our industry. Talent and creativity are elemental to any entertainment company’s success, however, year after year Edgewood has also demonstrated an affinity for implementing technology while it is at a tipping point of breakthrough and of affordability. "

Creative Engineering, Inc

"Creative Engineering, Inc. or CEI in Orlando, Florida, is a company most famous for creating animatronic (or Electronimation) characters featured around the world and at Showbiz Pizza Place restaurant in the 1980's. Creative Engineering's most popular creation is The Rock-afire Explosion, a 3-stage life-sized 8 character musical group. They are also known for creating the Whac-A-Mole game in 1976, and introduce a new arcade game, Bashy Bug! in 2016 followed by the Animatronics Experimenters Kit and a new lineup of Rock-afire Explosion dolls in 2017. The company was founded by Aaron Fechter who still runs Creative Engineering today."

The Rock-afire Explosion (Unofficial ShowBiz Pizza Place Site)

""The Rock-afire Explosion is considered by many to be the greatest animatronic rock band of all time. In the 1980s it was synonymous with ShowBiz Pizza Place restaurants, for which it was specifically designed. Its combination of three full stages, incredible music talent, amazing cast of characters, and sophisticated animation have left an endearing mark on the hearts of its fans." "The Rock-afire Explosion has been relatively absent from the public's view for nearly two decades, however, a new interest has emerged because of the Rock-afire's presence on YouTube. There have been many blogs, printed articles, and a documentary film to commemorate this newfound interest in the Rock-afire Explosion band.""

Dolli Dimples

"Hey Sugar Lips! Welcome to Dolli D's Piano Bar Cabaret! Dolli just wants you to sit back, relax, and snuggle up to her piano and let her take care of you like nobody has taken care of you before! Dolli Dimples is a former cabaret character found at Chuck E. Cheese's Pizza Time Theatre in the late 1970s and early 1980s. She sat in her own room away from the main dining area that was initially called the "Piano Bar" and later renamed to "The Cabaret". Dolli would play a song for guests for a game token. Later, the token box was replaced by a free show button and eventually was set up on a timer to perform at regular intervals automatically. Dolli was the first sideshow character the Pizza Time Theatre had. Later, other shows such as The King, Artie Antlers, and The Beagles were added. This is the last known working Dolli robot in the hands of a private collector. This channel is a chance to experience Dolli in all of her glory."

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Spam is delicious but I'm not allowed to eat it too often.

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