The quest for ultimate wisdom and mastery of esoteric knowledge is too goddamn expensive. Books, seminars, lectures, videos, trinkets, amulets, incense, oils, etc. It's all really fun, but as far as hobbies are concerned, this might be too high-end for me at times. I buy all my books second hand, and even then it feels like not enough. I want to build a gigantic library to my studies someday, but I'm not even sure I can afford to buy lunch this week.
There are free resources online for sure, but even then they often only give you enough to catch your interest and you have to work twice as hard to get to the real good stuff. And sometimes, all that will get you is a lesson like "it's all within" or something vague like that. You could find yourself digging through bottomless pits of paperwork, archived essays, and some of the oldest texts in public databases for research and still end up with nothing truly significant. We want secret hidden knowledge so we can feel like we're special; it's all pretty ego driven now that I think about it.
It just sort of humbles you. The quest for knowledge I mean. If the quest ever ends we're just slightly smarter than before. If there is an eternal truth, it might be a fruitless effort to try and even consider finding the infinite answer while we're stuck in a finite state. Like a fish trying to prove the ocean exists. And maybe that's the point. A lot of us who believe in the eternal know and can feel that it must be so, but we can't find a way to prove it. We construct all sorts of fancy sentences and theorems that comfort our thoughts, but if we really believe why do we have the need to search for more knowledge to prove to others what we believe?
The truth might not be what we expect, that's for sure, but what if the real truth to it all is far more bizarre than we could ever imagine, and that's why we can't view it. To gaze upon the face of true knowledge and of God would only drive us further away from it...