Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Lunabelle has become one with the cosmos

For an unknowable epoch of time, there was no Luna, then for seven years there was a Luna, and now for another endless epoch there will sans be another Luna. Thank the gods of the universe that for seven years we at least had Luna. Truly, the universe was blessed. She was feisty, violent, spoiled, wrathful, sweet, cuddly, petty, needy, beautiful, and beyond all else she was mine. Chaos incarnate, and mine for seven beautiful years. Hail Eris. 

From this point on nothing will be knocked off my shelves, my books won't be scratched, and my laundry basket won't be torn to shreds; and I'll be less fortunate because of it. Luna was a fireball, a bolt of lightning, a tornado, a Sharknado, and an final boss to a JRPG all rolled into one tiny ball of fluff. Now that the storm is over, all that I am left with is a calm, serene, quiet, and lonely place. But somehow, I feel better than I thought I would.

Luna's final hours were sweet, but she definitely was not her self. We sat together, played a bit on a phone app for cats, I groomed and combed her with her favorite brush, she even took a nap nuzzled up against my side. It was like any other day really, but then I noticed her walk, and the difficulty she seemed to have moving around. Because of her FIP condition her entire midsection had swollen up like a balloon, and I could tell she wasn't very comfortable. 

Sadly, our time together before her transition into the next life was brief. But I take solace in the fact that we had the time at all. All the time I had spent with her had rushed through my mind and heart like a tidal wave and it felt glorious and profound. As if I had learned some great cosmic lesson. Now what that lesson is I couldn't really say right now, I think my mind is still sorting it out through the static of this event. Something about patience, love, and maturity I think. 

The only truly bad part of this entire ordeal was carrying Luna to the vet. I felt like Death itself leading this poor soul over the river Styx. As Luna struggled in her carrying case, all I could do was continue to trek her across the Lower East Side to her final destination. I will be carrying this with me until who knows when. I'm grateful we found a clinic so close to where we live. 

The procedure itself was quite fast and very humane. Altogether it didn't take more than a few minutes. Actually, right before we stepped in for the procedure I was petting Luna and she managed to bite me one last time. She was always a fighter, and I figured this was her showing her dominance one last time. She got me good too; My entire arm hurt from it. I had a good laugh, but then it was time for our final goodbye. We kept our goodbyes brief and had a good cry. When I got home I drank a whole bottle of wine and allowed myself to sulk for a while. 

I think this was the best choice. In fact, I feel rather good about it all things considered. I will miss her very dearly but this isn't about me, it was about her. Death in this case is freedom. She is free of the pain and burden of her condition, and we are free to remember her as she was and not what she might have become if we had prolonged her life for selfish means. 

I'll always love my Luna. Before there was Luna, or any of us, there was the entire universe. Everything came together in such a way that I was so fortunate enough to have this sweet girl in my life for seven amazing and blessed years. It's a real shame it had to be so brief, but I take solace in knowing that my time with Luna was well spent. I will carry this love for her until my final days. 

We spoiled her and loved her and we tried our best to give her a happy and carefree life, and I think we were pretty successful in that. I love you Luna, rest easy.

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