Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Annabelle Comes Home (2019) | Atomic Monster Productions, New Line Cinema, The Safran Company

Annabelle Comes Home, which is the third sequel to the Annabelle series, is tons and tons of fun. It is way more fun than the previous Annabelle movies, that's for certain, and I feel that's because it doesn't take itself so deathly seriously like the previous entries did. This isn't just a haunted house movie, it's a monster mash. There are haunted items and various ghosts running around everywhere in this Annabelle Comes Home, and what makes it even better, is that the main focus is on the kids in the cast, not the Warrens who star in the Conjuring movies. 

There isn't too much to say about the plot without giving away the actual events of the film itself, so I'll just leave it at that. The whole even was fun too. This was a preview screening so there was all kinds of stuff going on. We got free masks, posters, mini posters, and even enamel pins! I LOVE enamel pins! 

My partner and I love the Conjuring movies and all their sequels. They're fun. We're both former Catholics, so, some of the more religious elements get under our skins at times, but it serves the stories well so we don't complain too much about that. Admittedly though, we're rooting for the ghosts and monsters that appear. And we love Annabelle. 

So this isn't really a spoiler, since it's been covered in so many movies, but this particular movies really takes advantage of what Annabelle actually is. She is a sort of portal to the other-side, a conduit for ghosts and demons. So long as she is on the loose, the stronger the access is to our world for the entities that the Warrens battle is. Annabelle for sure has her own sentience, but she's powerful because her "friends" are powerful. 

So yeah, Annabelle rocks and this movie is great.

On my way out of the theater I grabbed a bunch of the masks that were given out. I figure they'd be better off in the hands of fans so I plan on giving them to friends of mine. Or maybe I'll just hang them up for Halloween.

The pin is kinda excellent too. The card it comes on resembles the case that Annabelle is usually trapped in. I'm not sure when I'll wear this, but it'll probably going on my bag for special occasions. It'd be nice if I could find an enamel pin based on the new Child's Play movie. I would absolutely sport a bag with Annabelle and Chucky side-to-side. 

 As a sidenote, I'd like to mention that AMC theatres currently have an Men in Black themed ICEE flavored called MIB Black Cherry and it's actually pretty delicious. I have zero plans on seeing the new Men in Black movie, but I would definitely head back to AMC for this ICEE flavor. Yum!

I hope they make more Annabelle movies, and I hope Annabelle keeps releasing more and more demons for us to enjoy for years to come. 

Monday, June 24, 2019

Toxic Tutu (2018) | Sector 5 Films


Toxic Tutu is a strange, strange film because it tries to be a lot of things. It's a reunion film because it reunites a lot of the main cast from the original Toxic Avenger film. It's also a thank you letter to all of the fans of that film as it takes places mostly at horror conventions with fans talking on camera. It's also a conspiracy tale that revolves around the original toxic waste from the first Toxic Avenger movie. And lastly, it is a metaphysical allegory for what it is to live life as a mortal being who becomes immortal through film and fandom. 


This might very well be the strangest mockumentary in history. 

As a Troma and Toxie fan, I was pretty stoked to see a movie like this. The idea of there being a big cover-up behind the scenes around the original Toxic Avenger, and its affects on Mark Torgl was a fascinating take on my favorite movie. As far as I'm concerned this is the sixth Toxie movie.Yes, sixth. 

  1. The Toxic Avenger
  2. The Toxic Avenger Part II
  3. The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie
  4. Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger Part IV
  5. Toxic Crusaders: The Movie (which is the first 3 or 4 episodes edited into a film)
  6. Toxic Tutu

There are also a ton of cameo appearances in this! I was definitely shocked by the amount of talent that appeared in this movie. B-movie stars and starlets, pro-wrestlers, podcasters, commentators, etc., they're all here to pay tribute to Mark Torgl and his legacy as Melvin the Mop Boy! I won't ruin any of the cameos, but I was really impressed by the turnout.

Troma, funny enough, isn't distributing Toxic Tutu. No idea why, but it is brought to us by the good people at Sector 5 Films. Toxic Tutu does though feature a great deal of footage from Troma, The Toxic Avenger, and various Troma alumni and current Tromites. Even CEO Lloyd Kaufman has a supporting role in this movie, which makes it's disconnect from Troma even more mysterious.

There is a bit of sadness though with this film. The director, Joe Nardelli, passed away before it's release I believe. I'm not sure if he was able to see the final cut at all, but I hope he did. There's definitely an audience for weird movies like this. Shoe-string-budget avant-garde love letters to friends and fans. This was a passion project for sure, and it shows. 

In the galaxy of cult film actors and actresses, Mark Torgl has always been beloved but there's been this disconnect between him and his fans. No idea why. In Toxic Tutu he mentions how he only recently started going to conventions to meet his fans, so maybe he's finally coming out of his shell. I'd love to see him at NYCC and get a picture with him, that's for sure. 

I say give Toxic Tutu a watch, currently it's on Amazon Prime and also available on DVD. It's interesting and a load of fun. 

Monday, June 17, 2019

Phantasma Collectibles -- Belial soft-vinyl figure (2019)

Every once in a while, as a collector, I stumble onto something I really want but I always talk myself out of it. Usually it's over prices. I'm on a strict budget, and I try not to go overboard with my hobby. There are more important things that pieces of sculpted plastic. But then, something I've actually dreamed of becomes manifested into reality and I have no choice but to pounce on it. I have too many regrets already, I couldn't let this slip through my fingers. 

The Basket Case series of movies is absolutely one of my favorite franchises. The original Basket Case is an absolute masterpiece of exploitation and schlock. The sequels continue the story from the original, but crank up the schlock to ridiculous proportions, creating that's close to being a parody of the original movie. They're all wonderful films, and I'm still waiting for a fourth installment to this very day.

But, I digress.

Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to introduce to you my first major purchase of this year, and what has to be one of my favorite figures of all time. From Phantasma Collectibles, here is a beautifully sculpted figure of Belial (from the Basket Case movies) in  wonderful vinyl. 

There are no words to describe how happy this makes me. I have always wanted a figure like this of Belial, ever since I was a teenager. 

While we're at it, here's my Belial pin, gifted to me by my best pal. The pin, by Pinheads Co., came with the basket and a small replica of the original movie poster. Next to the pin is an unpainted resin statue based off of a mold from a figure that was sold as a novelty I believe for the release of the Basket Case sequels. I may finally get around to painting this guy. 

Together, I have quite the shrine forming for this somewhat obscure movie monster. Personally, I see him more as a hero than a monster, but I suppose that's debatable. Much like The Toxic Avenger, Belial has a traumatic past and he absolutely massacres all the people who hurt him and his brother throughout his life. 

One of the best things about this figure is that is a near perfect fit for the basket that came with my pin! Now, I have a proper Belial for display! 

See kids, dreams do come true!

If you want to buy this Belial, or if you want to see more amazing stuff, check out the good folks at Phantasma Collectibles! They've got figures, pins, shirts, posters, and all sorts of fun horror themed stuff to satisfy your lust for blood and plastic!


And if this sells well, maybe they'll make figures based off of the other Basket Case characters. I mean, a boy can dream right?

Sunday, June 16, 2019

Weapons against The Conspiracy

As X-day crawls closer and closer, so does The Conspiracy. Every second of every waking moment is overshadowed by this all intrusive force that prevents us from enjoying our existence as we want to. They, The Con, are nigh-invincible, but even they cannot withstand the power and onslaught of JHVH-1 and an armada of Xists. 


This year might very well be 1998! And next month, on the 5th of July, THE WORLD MIGHT FINALLY BE RUPTURED. 

The Con knows this, and because they're a bunch of shitheads, they want to prevent all ordained members of The Church of the SubGenius from being saved by the Pleasure Saucers. The traps of The Con are everywhere, and they take on many disguises. 


The other day I received a suspicious phone call from The United Nations. I did not answer of course, I mean, why would I. I'm sure the voice on the other side was indeed some nefarious agent of The Con, possibly the Men in Black, trying to entrap me via my own smartphones WiFi! These cannibals would do away with all of us before X-Day, so be wary.

Join The Church of the SubGenius! Save yourself!

But I am not unarmed. In my life I have been many things, but I have never been unloved. I was recently sent items that will help fight the conspiracy. These are artifacts of ultimate Slack and I am eternally grateful to the persons who sent them my way. These items I will treasure always.

My dear friend Stephanie sent me these amazing items, handcrafted by way of her amazing talent:

First, this ceramic/glass portrait of what I believe is her true likeness, harnessing the power of J. R. "Bob" Dobbs very own frop pipe! The first thing I noticed about this item was how hefty it was; it's very heavy and the detail is amazing. I mean that, the pictures don't do it justice at all. I'm sure having this will act as the perfect shield against any enemy transmissions or laser beams transmitted by secret Conspiracy satellites. 

Stephanie also sent over this portable alien-hybrid power stone! A talisman for love, fortune, and wisdom. Also good at chucking at the faces of the Men in Black.

A homemade Drump voodoo doll! I'm not sure if I'll end up using this at any point, but, It will look good on my shelf next to my Rudy Giuliani voodoo doll!

... Maybe I will try out these dolls when given the right moment. 

A handful of amazing stickers. Some of these are already on my computer.

Some VERY tasty candy.

Another amazing package was sent to me by none other than Rev. Dr. Onan Canobite, mayor of Dobbs.Town. The good doctor prescribed to me these amazing books. 

The first, "Outbursts of Everett True", is a long lost character of amazing fortitude and strength. Everett is a normal man, but he reacts to normal annoyances in dramatic and near superhuman ways. A true her in every respect, Everett True is the bully who bullies bullies. You kick a dog; he'll kick you through a wall! You scare a kid with a knife; he'll slice off your ear! I mean, c'mon, that's just amazing. Everett True is the ideal man of justice in someways, coming from an era where punching a guy was considered swift justice. None of that high ground bullshit, the "Outbursts of Everett True" is a training manual on how to react to injustice in all it's forms. 

The second book is also interesting to me because it is The Enchiridion by Epictetus. I'm a philosophy major, so I am of course familiar with this book on basic human decency and moral thinking. Epictetus is one of my favorite thinkers of his time, but I don't think I've ever known The Enchiridion itself ( I do have other books by Epictetus though). 

What makes this version particularly special is it has four different English translations of The Enchiridion. If you've never read this book in any of it's forms, here's a quick run down; simply put it is a series of guidelines on how to react and reflect on your actions when dealing with people or peoples in society. Like Everett True, Epictetus is trying to teach readers how to live a moral life. It is non-secular if I remember correctly; Epictetus does talk about God/gods in his other works but in this one I think he keeps his feet on terra firma and simply wants to relate to people on a one-to-one level. 

A Man of Letters
Another important thing to note is that this copy of The Enchiridion has been published, I believe, under the imprint of A Man of Letters, which was a podcast series about literature that lasted about 5 years. If I'm not mistaken, Dr. Canobite himself was the host. Click the image above to hear a reading from The Enchiridion. 

And yesterday, during a fishing expidition in my neighborhood, my partner and I found some amazing treasures. There were all these statues of Hindu deities scattered around the area. We had no idea what was going on, but thought since we didn't catch any fish, we could at least give these gods a new home.

Then later I found out that the reason these statues were cast away is because they were probably used in some sort of ceremony and were no longer needed. Apparantly fishing them out of the water is a bad omen. 

Well, whoops. Oh well, I'm still going to keep them unless I hear from my Hindu friends. If I have to bring them back to the bay I will, but for now they will be a part of my window altar alongside Hotei and my Tiki. 

Below are the pictures from this fishing trip. 

"Maggots" (2017)

I found this movie called "Maggots" the other day, and it was lots of dumb fun. There's this whole backstory about a galactic war, a CIA cover-up, and mutant monsters that resemble maggots eating a huge portion of the Earth population, but most of that doesn't come into play. It's mostly about this one small town where the Maggots return  after their meteor crash lands. They go around eating random citizens, talking in a strange Chipmunk-like voice, and generally just being real horrible creatures. 

I was rooting for them the whole time. 

Now normally,  I'd post a trailer alongside all the stuff here, but I couldn't find any. I mean I did, and I found the poster (above) but they look like they're from a different Maggot movie. The YouTube trailer has a different director name listed than the one for the IMDB. One is for 2007, and the one I watched is for 2017 

I dunno man, I was really stoned while watching this flick, all I can tell you is that I loved it. And I guess I have to find this OTHER movie called Maggots that has similar looking creatures, except in CGI rather than puppets. 

Whatever movie I watched though, I have to emphasize, I really enjoyed it.

Battle Bots (also known as "Robo War") (2018)

This is a pretty generic post-apocalyptic movie, but, it's just so likeable because there was no budget involved. All the costumes, and I mean ALL  the costumes, were purchased at a Halloween store. I can almost guarantee that. There is not one decent costume among the entire cast and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

There ARE  giant robots in this movie, at least two, and those costumes are pretty good I guess. I say that, but they still look ridiculous. 

So the plot; after a nuclear apocalypse, a cult that worships robots fights against a group of rebels who are tired of their shit, and who also have access to a giant robot. The giant robots fight, and the movie ends. That's more or less the whole story, it was difficult to pay attention. I feel like this would have been a better novel or comic book. As a movie it's fine, but it's so dialogue heavy and there aren't enough action scenes, mutants, or monsters to keep my me too interested. I still watched the whole thing though, it was only 67 minutes long. 

This movie was apparently directed and written by Mark Polonia, who is a pretty legendary z-grade movie director. I'm a little surprised actually; normally he has a lot of fun creatures or effects in his films. This movie isn't terrible by any means, but it's missing a bit of zest. 

I couldn't find a trailer for Robo War/Battle Bots, so here's some footage from "Saurians" (1994)

Friday, June 14, 2019


So I was finally able to catch Monster Island. It's another mockbuster from The Asylum, this time piggybacking off of Godzilla: King of the Monsters, but these movies just get better and better. This one is especially fun, and although there's maybe 20 minutes of actual kaiju footage in it, I still found myself interested in the story. 

The short version is this; kaiju (also called "kaiyo") actually exist, and one in particular is dangerous, the Tengo ("The Destroyer"). It's this sea born monster filled with lava, and it sort of looks like a starfish. It's dangerous because it breeds these smaller pterodactyl like babies that fly in swarms. A team have to find the cycloptic "The Kaiju Killer", a walking mountain like kaiju who seemingly exists to protect the world from the Tengo. 

There's a bit more to the plot than that, but that's all the big stuff. I really loved all the designs in this, the monsters look great. The baby Tengo are the real main event tho, since they get the most screen-time. When the Kaiju Killer finally shows up it's a bit epic, but it doesn't last very long at all. The battle between it and the Tengo mom is brief. 

The end of the film hinted towards a sequel, which I hope we get. I'd love to see the return of some of these monsters and even the remaining characters, but I would prefer to see even more new creatures added to The Asylum catalog of monsters. If you have a chance to see this flick, and you love a fun creature feature, give it a chance it might surprise you.

Monday, June 10, 2019

The Pre-Post Modernist music of Just John


I've known about Just John's work for a while now. I remember stumbling onto it via Archive.org at some point. I really enjoy it. There's a hypnotic quality to it. Like if ASMR could also be techno. As far as I know he doesn't have a Bandcamp account, but he does have SoundClick and Soundcloud, which I've embedded up above.

I'm also quite fond of the album Cubeworld Vacation. I can easily imagine imagine classic sci-fi robot at a tiki bar jamming to this album.  Cool, cool stuff man.

Reblog: Zontar of Venus: Captain Barbell and other Filipino comics superher...

I thought this was pretty cool. The amazing Zontar and I had been talking about my trip to the Philippines last year and we fell into the topic of Filipino superheroes. I just discovered he gave me a bit of credit on his wonderful blog!

I'll be going back to the Philippines this winter for about a month. Maybe this time I'll have a bit of luck finding some cool Filipino comics. 

Zontar of Venus: Captain Barbell and other Filipino comics superher...: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_Barbell Thanks to Reverend Guimo.

Saturday, June 8, 2019

CHUBBY UFO FREEDOM: Prepare for X-Day "2019"!

My chief engineer Sono (@sonoyourface on Twitter) designed for me this beautiful escape vessel for when doomsday finally arrives. Ah yes, the much talked about and prophesized X-day of SubGenius lore, where that bratty shithead alien monster JHVH-1 smashes down his mighty Stark Fist of Removal to kill all the pinks and destroys the Earth! All members of the Church of the SubGenius will of course be saved and taken to Planet X, in Dimension X, where the Xist Sex Goddesses will pleasure us in ways that will drive us insane!

It'll be a good day. And what makes it better is that I now have this beautiful, hamburger-like UFO to fly away in. As you can see, it is the most advanced UFO of its kind that $20 can buy. Sono herself isn't a member of the Church, but I promised to store her away in the trunk when X-Day occurs. 

As X-Day approaches, you should start thinking seriously in investing in your own eternal salvation! Give to the Church, save yourself, get revenge on those who have wronged you, and finally regain the Slack that was stolen from you!! You only have until July 5th!! 

New Belial Figure by Phantasma

Phantasma Collectibles has made the Belial figure of my DREAMS. It's perfect! Sadly, this week bills are due, but next week I'll be able to order this perfect little Belial. The Basket Case series are some of my favorite films. I NEED this figure for my collection or I will most definitely die. DIE I SAY.

Platypossum (Film)

Platypossum is more fun than it has any right to be. Beautiful stop-motion effects on the titular Platypossum, a a clear moral message against hydrofracking. In a sense it's not too dissimilar to the 1954 or 1998 Godzilla movies insofar as Platypossum is a simple creature who doesn't really mean any harm, but is simply the end result of the over-interference of man on nature.  

Platypossum is also a gross-out comedy though, and there are some scenes that really took me by surprise. But I'm a sucker for a creature feature, and this was loads of fun. We need more Z-Grade creature features. 

Monster Island films

So to coincide with the new Godzilla film (I assume), SyFy released a movie called Monster Island, which is of course all about Kaiju. It looks like a lot of fun, and I can't wait to see it when I can. I don't own a television so I missed the premiere.

It also reminded me of another movie with the same title made back in 2003 from MTV. It's a send off on old 1950's b-movies, and it stars Carmen Electra and Adam West. I don't think this movie had any kind of theatrical release, but I remember monster kids and creature feature fans thought it was pretty good. I did as well actually, and I loved seeing Adam West as a sort of mad scientist.

Star Raiders: The Adventures of Sabre Raine (Film)

Lastly, my best pal took me to see Rifftrax and the riffing of the amazing Scifisploitation film, Star Raiders: The Adventures of Sabre Raine! WHAT A GREAT FILM!

I mean that, I had a blast. Star Raiders was a fun movie, even if it was pretty cringe worthy. I loved the special effects, the characters, and especially the villain Sinjin who is just the best.

I feel like there's potential for there to be a fandom for Star Raiders, and eventually it will find its audience. 

I love it. I genuinely really enjoyed it, and I think fans of classic serials and sci-fi films will find some sort of enjoyment in it as well.