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Guimo dot Blog! Guided by his guardian spirit Billiken, and the religious teachings of J. R. “Bob” Dobbs, Guimo travels the multiverse in search of bulldada! https://guimo.carrd.co

Sunday, June 16, 2019

Weapons against The Conspiracy

As X-day crawls closer and closer, so does The Conspiracy. Every second of every waking moment is overshadowed by this all intrusive force that prevents us from enjoying our existence as we want to. They, The Con, are nigh-invincible, but even they cannot withstand the power and onslaught of JHVH-1 and an armada of Xists. 


This year might very well be 1998! And next month, on the 5th of July, THE WORLD MIGHT FINALLY BE RUPTURED. 

The Con knows this, and because they're a bunch of shitheads, they want to prevent all ordained members of The Church of the SubGenius from being saved by the Pleasure Saucers. The traps of The Con are everywhere, and they take on many disguises. 


The other day I received a suspicious phone call from The United Nations. I did not answer of course, I mean, why would I. I'm sure the voice on the other side was indeed some nefarious agent of The Con, possibly the Men in Black, trying to entrap me via my own smartphones WiFi! These cannibals would do away with all of us before X-Day, so be wary.

Join The Church of the SubGenius! Save yourself!

But I am not unarmed. In my life I have been many things, but I have never been unloved. I was recently sent items that will help fight the conspiracy. These are artifacts of ultimate Slack and I am eternally grateful to the persons who sent them my way. These items I will treasure always.

My dear friend Stephanie sent me these amazing items, handcrafted by way of her amazing talent:

First, this ceramic/glass portrait of what I believe is her true likeness, harnessing the power of J. R. "Bob" Dobbs very own frop pipe! The first thing I noticed about this item was how hefty it was; it's very heavy and the detail is amazing. I mean that, the pictures don't do it justice at all. I'm sure having this will act as the perfect shield against any enemy transmissions or laser beams transmitted by secret Conspiracy satellites. 

Stephanie also sent over this portable alien-hybrid power stone! A talisman for love, fortune, and wisdom. Also good at chucking at the faces of the Men in Black.

A homemade Drump voodoo doll! I'm not sure if I'll end up using this at any point, but, It will look good on my shelf next to my Rudy Giuliani voodoo doll!

... Maybe I will try out these dolls when given the right moment. 

A handful of amazing stickers. Some of these are already on my computer.

Some VERY tasty candy.

Another amazing package was sent to me by none other than Rev. Dr. Onan Canobite, mayor of Dobbs.Town. The good doctor prescribed to me these amazing books. 

The first, "Outbursts of Everett True", is a long lost character of amazing fortitude and strength. Everett is a normal man, but he reacts to normal annoyances in dramatic and near superhuman ways. A true her in every respect, Everett True is the bully who bullies bullies. You kick a dog; he'll kick you through a wall! You scare a kid with a knife; he'll slice off your ear! I mean, c'mon, that's just amazing. Everett True is the ideal man of justice in someways, coming from an era where punching a guy was considered swift justice. None of that high ground bullshit, the "Outbursts of Everett True" is a training manual on how to react to injustice in all it's forms. 

The second book is also interesting to me because it is The Enchiridion by Epictetus. I'm a philosophy major, so I am of course familiar with this book on basic human decency and moral thinking. Epictetus is one of my favorite thinkers of his time, but I don't think I've ever known The Enchiridion itself ( I do have other books by Epictetus though). 

What makes this version particularly special is it has four different English translations of The Enchiridion. If you've never read this book in any of it's forms, here's a quick run down; simply put it is a series of guidelines on how to react and reflect on your actions when dealing with people or peoples in society. Like Everett True, Epictetus is trying to teach readers how to live a moral life. It is non-secular if I remember correctly; Epictetus does talk about God/gods in his other works but in this one I think he keeps his feet on terra firma and simply wants to relate to people on a one-to-one level. 

A Man of Letters
Another important thing to note is that this copy of The Enchiridion has been published, I believe, under the imprint of A Man of Letters, which was a podcast series about literature that lasted about 5 years. If I'm not mistaken, Dr. Canobite himself was the host. Click the image above to hear a reading from The Enchiridion. 

And yesterday, during a fishing expidition in my neighborhood, my partner and I found some amazing treasures. There were all these statues of Hindu deities scattered around the area. We had no idea what was going on, but thought since we didn't catch any fish, we could at least give these gods a new home.

Then later I found out that the reason these statues were cast away is because they were probably used in some sort of ceremony and were no longer needed. Apparantly fishing them out of the water is a bad omen. 

Well, whoops. Oh well, I'm still going to keep them unless I hear from my Hindu friends. If I have to bring them back to the bay I will, but for now they will be a part of my window altar alongside Hotei and my Tiki. 

Below are the pictures from this fishing trip. 

"Maggots" (2017)

I found this movie called "Maggots" the other day, and it was lots of dumb fun. There's this whole backstory about a galactic war, a CIA cover-up, and mutant monsters that resemble maggots eating a huge portion of the Earth population, but most of that doesn't come into play. It's mostly about this one small town where the Maggots return  after their meteor crash lands. They go around eating random citizens, talking in a strange Chipmunk-like voice, and generally just being real horrible creatures. 

I was rooting for them the whole time. 

Now normally,  I'd post a trailer alongside all the stuff here, but I couldn't find any. I mean I did, and I found the poster (above) but they look like they're from a different Maggot movie. The YouTube trailer has a different director name listed than the one for the IMDB. One is for 2007, and the one I watched is for 2017 

I dunno man, I was really stoned while watching this flick, all I can tell you is that I loved it. And I guess I have to find this OTHER movie called Maggots that has similar looking creatures, except in CGI rather than puppets. 

Whatever movie I watched though, I have to emphasize, I really enjoyed it.

Battle Bots (also known as "Robo War") (2018)

This is a pretty generic post-apocalyptic movie, but, it's just so likeable because there was no budget involved. All the costumes, and I mean ALL  the costumes, were purchased at a Halloween store. I can almost guarantee that. There is not one decent costume among the entire cast and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

There ARE  giant robots in this movie, at least two, and those costumes are pretty good I guess. I say that, but they still look ridiculous. 

So the plot; after a nuclear apocalypse, a cult that worships robots fights against a group of rebels who are tired of their shit, and who also have access to a giant robot. The giant robots fight, and the movie ends. That's more or less the whole story, it was difficult to pay attention. I feel like this would have been a better novel or comic book. As a movie it's fine, but it's so dialogue heavy and there aren't enough action scenes, mutants, or monsters to keep my me too interested. I still watched the whole thing though, it was only 67 minutes long. 

This movie was apparently directed and written by Mark Polonia, who is a pretty legendary z-grade movie director. I'm a little surprised actually; normally he has a lot of fun creatures or effects in his films. This movie isn't terrible by any means, but it's missing a bit of zest. 

I couldn't find a trailer for Robo War/Battle Bots, so here's some footage from "Saurians" (1994)

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